But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?
(2 Corinthians 2:14-16 ESV)
Let this aroma come with you everywhere you go
Know God so intimately that it just flows from you wherever you go
Be the light that walks into a dark dark room
Be that sweet fragrance that changes a workplace, or the dinner table, or the tutorial room.
If you know God, if you love Him, then let Him overflow into all aspects of your life
Don’t leave Him at the bus stop as you enter University grounds
Don’t leave Him hanging on the coat rack as you enter the party
Don’t hide Him under the piles of paper when you get to work
Let Him lead you into conversation about how much you enjoyed your weekend worshipping with your brothers and sisters at Church.
or let Him lead you into conversation about how much He brings you comfort in times of despair, joy and hope when there is only darkness -
Let others know that He is your greatest treasure, not what you have achieved, not what you hope to achieve, not how much you earn, not who you know, not…
Let others know how you think His plans are great, how the life He offers will satisfy unlike the things that we chase after on this earth -
Ask Him for strength and courage to ask the hard questions - and know that it’s ok if it doesn’t happen the first time - ask again. (:
Above all, pray.
Spend time in that secret place.
Let your heart be filled with His words and convinced of His goodness, the greatness of His will -
Ask for wisdom to live out His will -
I’m still learning
I’m still praying
I’m still asking
I’m still yearning
Let your Kingdom come Lord
Let your will be done Lord
On earth; as it is in Heaven.
There is a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don’t have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying.
Its funny how you want to express something and then you can’t find the words to do it and then someone posts a quote with just the right words. It’s not that I’m not happy being single, I am so content with that right now. I want God to use me in my singleness, but I have come to realize that I do have fears that are linked with being with someone . These fears come from what I have experienced in my life, my family background and I desperately don’t want that. To be honest, being in a relationship sounds like the most amazing thing ever but at the same time it is the most terrifying thing I could think of. When I think about it, I can feel the warmth of care and the safety of submission but at the same time the vulnerability, the pain of an abusive relationship. These are the fears that plague my mind when I think of relationships. I feel scared and vulnerable when I’m around guys who get angry or frustrated-
Although I don’t plan on thinking about being in a relationship anytime soon, I realized yesterday that I had to bring these pains and fears before the Father for healing and comfort.
Just been in my mind over the past few hours, just thinking about why I feel like I’m so content at the moment just being single. Beside the first reason that I have given before ( I can’t find the post or I would link it here) and that is because I believe that God can use me in my singleness and I’d love Him to. I believe that there are many opportunities to serve Him while I am single in areas where He has given me passions and convictions.
But over the past few days, I’ve realised that on top of this, that I am becoming less and less content with myself – I want God to continue to work in me, to change me. For the Spirit to dwell within me and for my heart to be more changeable, for my life to continue to change dramatically because of my identity- I am a Child of God and I want to become more like one. I want in this time of singleness to draw nearer to God – to spend more time praying daily, an hour a day with Him doesn’t seem like enough time anymore. There is so much to commit to Him, so much to thank Him for, so much time needed to just ask Him to work in my life and time to dwell upon His word and let it change me and change the way I see this world. If what I find attractive is a man of prayer; then I must in my time of singleness become a woman of prayer. (:
There is so much growing to do
I have been given the privilege of entering His very presence
I must not waste this.
I got I have learnt that if I’m anxious about missing a bus/ train or am frustrated about being late for a bus/ train. God always has something in store for me -
This morning as I got onto the bus after a bit of a traffic jam getting to the bus stop, I started reading Romans 3, my passage for the day - after reading it through twice and not quite understanding it completely, a guy taps me on the back and asks me what I’m reading (: and then guess what? I got to spend like 1.5 hours talking to a brother who was here for exchange for a semester. (: and I was encouraged by our conversation (: and he was encouraged that I was reading the bible on the bus - I love it when people talk to me on the bus. (:
And then this afternoon as I was waiting for a friend to get on the train and wondering how I was going to keep the train seat vacant. A friend whom I hadn’t seen for ages walked by - Lisa from Dance Generation(: it was so great catching up with her :D God always brings people to casually walk into my life when I take trains (something I don’t usually do because unfortunately there is no train line in castle hill and there never will be)
(: gotta study
I must not waste the night.
I must not waste my life.
Need strength to keep these eyelids open.
Need help understanding the words that go into my head.
Tomorrow I want to spend time in prayer with the brothers and sisters at 7am.
5am. wake up & spend time with God.
6am. bus it to the city
7am. arrive in the city - head to Uni. rummage through Fisher for books relating to this essay
10am. Old teachers college. AIME (:
12pm. RLST tute
2pm. SCLG lecture
3pm. meet up with the girls
4pm. maybe head home. long night awaits.
I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, at the same time I want to find joy in it.
The next few weeks are going to be non stop essay writing, practice essay writing, study, catch up on readings, spending time trying to understand everything I don’t understand which is about 50% of what I’m learning, maybe that’s being positive.
The highlights of my Wednesdays at work are seeing the little children run around outside and seeing Tom. Tom is a guy who hangs out at the library all the time, he has down syndrome and I love seeing him - I have never seen the smile come off his face. There is always a reason to be happy for him. I love talking to him and being reminded of the joy small things can bring to our lives. The small things that we should be thankful for -
What am I looking forward to?
The Monday catch ups with Hannah, prayer and bible study
The Tuesday catch ups with Kathy, Young Adults bible study
The Wednesday children observing and eating my weekly salad sandwich
The Thursday catch up with the girls and AIME
The Friday 7am prayer meetings at Martin Place with Adrian and James; breakfast with Pris and Summer, catch ups with Esther and with El. Spending time at the restaurant with my work mates, relaxing. The salad at the end of the night.
The Saturday sleep in; gym, study, work. I love having Chai topped with chocolate with Boni - and working with her. Work is my de-stress time, it’s my relaxing time, it’s my time of enjoyment.
The Sunday morning band practices, teaching year 4 Sunday school, Service and church family lunch after with the brothers and sisters.
I’m looking forward to the mornings spent with my Father.
I’m looking forward to dad coming home on Friday.
I’m looking forward to Children’s Ministry training at SMBC on Saturday.
I’m looking forward to Baptisms this month
I’m looking forward to the Evangelistic Talk coming up this month
I’m looking forward to Gospel in life series in June
I’m looking forward to Sylvia’s party
I’m looking forward to Horse riding
I’m looking forward to FEVA’s black tie dinner
I’m looking forward to seeing Maybelle in a weeks time
I’m looking forward to Mother’s day
I’m looking forward to Equip
I’m looking forward to Tim’s dinner
I’m looking forward to Church lunch
I’m looking forward to seeing the Ball’s at church ! (:
I’m looking forward to Ed Soc cruise
I’m looking forward to Gloria and Richie’s Wedding
I’m looking forward to the end of Exams
And I’m looking forward to spending time with friends and family on my birthday(:
There is much to look forward to, but I must make it through the next two months. Must realise that each day is a gift.
and that each piece of information I understand at Uni is because God has allowed it.
That study is a part of my life that I must hand over to Him, must glorify Him in this area too -
I should sleep.
Marx and Weber are here to haunt me.
take two: I wrote this post and then I accidently closed the window and I couldn’t retrieve it.
I was determined this morning as I woke up that today would be a good day. And so as I knelt next to my bed and prayed to my Father, I asked that I would find JOY in my day, having been blessed with another day. That I would recognise the grace that He’d given me and the new mercies that came with today. That I would remember the promises I could claim – My voice carried off into the dead of the morning, everyone was asleep, it was just me and my Father. I wanted to live today for His glory.
I struggled as I got onto the bus, I wanted to read through some things but after about twenty minutes of reading, I fell asleep. This often happens, I think reading on the bus makes me really exhausted. I woke up just as we were crossing the Harbour Bridge, Father often wakes me up just at this moment; I think He wants to remind me of just how blessed I am to live in Sydney.
11am. I left my last meta-ethics lecture. I had only written two pages of very spread out notes; I’m struggling. But as I left my lecture, I got a message from a beautiful sister telling me that she’d just prayed for my day. She also included these verses (:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
(Colossians 3:23-24 ESV)
Tonight, when I got home – in my inbox were the notes for meta-ethics from a friend of mine. I’m so grateful.
I headed to vege soc for lunch. Nothing beats 5$ lunch. Rice. Curry. Pappadums. Dessert. And there I bumped into my favourite vegetarian friend (: He had just come back from Lord Howe Island where he was doing research for his Honours thesis. Got to catch up over great food and encourage one another (:
Headed towards EU Public Meeting, where I got to meet the lovely girl behind this blog. Was so excited to meet her (: and so excited that she’s transferring to the same degree as me next semester (: Can’t wait to chat to her about her trip to Johannesburg where she looked after orphans. I would love to go with her one day -
4pm. SCLG tutorial. My favourite tutorial of the week. I was presenting today and it actually went well(: So I ended the Uni day with a smile -
I left uni to go find Kathy (: we were heading to Strathfield together to try Noggi together for the first time! It was yum(: But what was better was just talking to her and catching up (: There are very few people in my life with whom I can talk to the way Kathy and I talk. We’re so similar in so many different ways. There is so much understanding on so many different levels, so many shared experiences, so many shared passions. She is beautiful, I love her heart – I love how her perspective is so obviously shaped by God, how she yearns to become more like Him, how she yearns to spend time with Him. (: She is truly a lovely sister and I’m blessed to have her in my life
We spent our time talking about various things, some of which included her relationship, our futures, mission… (: love how Christ centred her relationship with her boyfriend is, it’s a joy to hear about it ! (: We spent about a minute talking about how much we love children (: I don’t think we had to spend much longer talking about it, we understood each other. I love children and would love to spend my days looking after them; I love their inquisitive minds, their beautiful hearts, and their child like faith. I love how much joy they have, life is so simple for them – My heart breaks when I am reminded that there are children out there who aren’t being loved, who aren’t being hugged and held.
I always leave conversations with Kathy encouraged and wanting to become more like Christ. I really want to work on inner beauty, patience, kindness… I want to grow in my prayer life. To learn to worship and to pray; these are two things that I want to learn more and more as I live this life.
Kathy left and I sat the Strathfield Fountain listening to a Korean guy play guitar and sing. I realised not long after sitting down that he was singing a song that I knew from church. I started singing along but in English(: God is so worthy of praise, even if it’s in the middle of Strathfield, He is worthy to be praised (:
I’ll share about what we learnt in Bible study tomorrow or something(: I have to sleep- But I really enjoyed bible study tonight; was reminded of God’s great power, the saving power of His word, the importance of evangelism and so much more(: God is so good (:
at the end of the day; I can say that the day was good. That God answered my prayer. I am determined to make everyday like this; i realise that there will be days when things don’t go well, but there is still a reason to be joyful.
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3
There was one more thing I realised today, after feeling really sick all day from cramps. I realised that I have to remember that I am anaemic and I have a responsibility to look after my own body and take my iron tablets. I am praying that God will use them to heal my body. I want to feel less exhausted all the time -
That’s probably the word I’d use to describe the past few days. I really miss my few months of working after I dropped out of uni last year - When I could wake up, go to the gym so that I’d feel great for the rest of the day, and then come home and spend as much time as I wanted with God before I headed out to work in the arvo/ night. I yearn for that time, I can’t wait till holidays.
Life at the moment, is not what I hoped for it to be. Not that I expected much from uni, but I didn’t expect everyday to be an emotional roller coaster ride. There are days when the only thing keeping me going is seeing sisters. There are days when I love what I’m learning. But everyday as I come home and have to face the mountains of work, I get upset and frustrated. I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I can finish off this semester glorifying God in my studies.
This morning after having breakfast with the best friend, I walked from townhall all the way down to broadway; I just needed time to think. I had coffee with Dli and Tim and then Tim left us and we strolled (literally very slowly strolled) to Uni and then to hand in my RLST essay (I forgot to sign the cover sheet… major fail). I am so thankful and so blessed to have a brother like Dli. He has always been so honest with me, always asking the hard questions, always concerned about my walk with God - always sharing knowledge and wisdom that God has blessed him with. Always so genuine - (: today was no difference.
He reminded me of the JOY that Paul had in all circumstances.
He wanted me to feel this JOY like he does - in ALL circumstances, including uni.
He reminded me of how I should constantly be dissatisfied with myself
When I fall before my Father, at His feet - How great my sin, how much greater is His mercy and grace !
He shared with me how much of a change intentional time with God has made in his life. (: that the more time He spends with God, the more he yearns for it, the more he realises that he can’t function each day without it - and the more he depends on God
He shared with me how he wanted to get prayer and worship right, God willing, he has very many years to serve God with - but first he must get those two things right. If I grow in these two things, a love for evangelism and serving others will flow naturally and come out of a heart that is aligned with His will.
He shared much and imparted much wisdom and care for me. We walked so slowly, took us 40 minutes to hand in the essay and arrive back to where we started. I am so grateful for the conversation we had today. I left feeling very reflective, knowing that change can happen - I left wanting to strive more and more for personal holiness, to know God more and know His will and understand Him more - I left so encouraged, so broken about who I am but so encouraged that God still loves me and wants to help me change.
The rest of the day looked like this:
1pm. ANTH tutorial where we didn’t do much
2pm. Prayer with the girls from my bible study. So encouraged.
3pm. Bible study (:
4pm. Spent time in fisher library looking through this blog.
5pm. met up with Kate, Rachel, Liv and Alex to head to Newtown
6pm. Newtown thai meet up with the SWED girls (: THAI LA ONG
8:30pm. Arrive at towers, meet mum at Red Spoon (she was having thai with three of her friends, sisters she’s been meeting up with for years)
10pm. left coffee club after having a pretty bad soy FW with bad service and bad food presentation. (Castle Towers Coffee Club is somewhere I avoid)
And this was the latter part of my day where I sat and listened to these mature sisters in Christ share about their struggle with the various churches they are now at. I was pained as I listened to how my sister church was going, and convicted of how little I had spent praying for them over the past few years. They seem to be at a place where it seems impossible for anything to move forward. I know that if anything happens, it will be a great display of God’s grace and kindness towards the church. I was saddened by how each of these women were struggling and reminded at just how broken people are. That as we gather as a church, we are gathering as a bunch of sinners, and we make so many mistakes, we are still unloving, prideful people who think we can do things in our own power.
As I walked back to the car with mum, I talked to her about it. She yearned for life to be like when she first came to the church, when she didn’t know about the church politics and people were very happy and doing life together. But she says that you have to face reality; so whilst you are going through it - keep your eyes on Jesus, do your part and continue to love and minister to others. As I listened to these four sisters in Christ speak, I was encouraged; encouraged for their love for the church and for Christ.
It’s 1pm. I promised I’d sleep now -
(the struggle to write an essay that is)
I have quite a few thoughts running through my head, biggest one being how to write this in a reflective way so as to encourage those reading and not offend anyone - that is not the intention. The intention is to encourage - I will reflect upon my past and write up what God has taught me - I know that there will be people out there who may need to hear this, my prayer is that it will be an encouragement to you - and that God will comfort you (: Even as I write this, I pray that God will change my heart to see His way, to seek His understanding and not lean on my own -
For those who have had friends leave church your own church for another church before, this post has been written in reflection to that - I remember it happening to my own church only a few years ago, and I remember on the night of that announcement being made, just running to the top of the bridge near my church and asking God as I overlooked His great city, why? Why was my closest friend leaving my church? Why would they leave for another church? What are these things they were leaving for that they couldn’t explain? Why was it so sudden? Why didn’t they confide in us before and ask for prayer? How was leaving going to solve problems? What if everyone who had a slight problem left? Why were they leaving us behind? Why so many things… I had so many questions rushing through my head and many of them didn’t leave for a long time.
I remember feeling very upset and bitter for a long time. I had decided in my heart that what they had done was wrong and unloving. I was so torn and broken inside. A friendship had been lost and I felt like a part of the family had left.
Over time, these feelings were buried under other things that were happening in my life. I am the kind of person who has a really bad memory and holding grudges just makes me exhausted so I had let things go. I still didn’t know all the answers to my questions but I had moved on. The friendship probably wasn’t reconciled, I wasn’t sure but I wasn’t too concerned about it to change that, things weren’t hostile and that was all I asked for.
Earlier this year God really spoke to me, He wanted me to put down my pride and forget about whether their decision to leave was right or wrong. The decision had been made and He wanted me to be thankful for various things.
- That they were now at a good church and were continuing in their walk with Him.
- God wanted me to be thankful that they were still brothers and sisters in Christ.
- He wanted me to be thankful that they were now serving and being ministered to at another church and that God’s name was still being glorified through their lives.
- He reminded me that they were brothers and sisters, that they were still partners in the gospel ! That they were not against us, but we were fighting for the same thing, so be thankful.
- He wanted me to continue to pray for them, they were still brothers and sisters no matter which church they had gone to.
God had revealed these things to me earlier this year. And I know that I can be joyful in these things! I had only wished that I had humbled myself Him earlier and asked God to reveal these things to me earlier so that the period of bitterness wouldn’t have been so long. I only wish that I had asked Him earlier to give me His understanding and wisdom so that I wouldn’t rely on my own foolishness. I only wish that I had asked for His heart earlier so that my own could be softened and pride broken down. I realised then that I had been wrong in my own thoughts.
I know that some of you may be going through the same thing; may have some of the very same thoughts. Can I encourage you to put down pride if there any, may I encourage to put on humility. Don’t ask the right or wrong question. Don’t keep asking the same questions… Reflect, learn, ask God to change your heart and rejoice in the things we can thank God for. Take comfort in God and not in your conversations with others about it.
Let the words that come from your mouth be ones of love and encouragement. Don’t allow Satan an opportunity to tempt you to sin. Don’t let unloving words and gossip come from your mouths. Don’t harbour bitterness, it only leads to pain.
Pray for them, I assure you that when you pray for someone, God slowly changes your heart.
It is moments like this, that I realise why God brings you through things as hard as they were. He does so that when others are going through the same thing, you can encourage and comfort them and point them to Him. So that you, having been through it, and having reflected upon it can offer wisdom and insight that God has taught you so that others can strive to bring glory to God in the same situation.
May I leave you with this; strive to do life with your church family. I don’t know how to express to you just how incredibly thankful I am to God for my church family. When I have to go away on weekend camps, I really do miss my church family- I long to be with them. Do life together, commit to your church -
As I blogged before, minister to others and you will feel ministered to. Invest time and effort into relationships, ask God to put a burden on your heart to really see these people run this race with you. You WANT to see these people standing with you on the last day right next to you bowing willingly before our LORD Jesus Christ! You want to stand next to these people and listen as God says, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23)
Sisters, when you get married and have to leave your church, that should be heartbreaking, to leave behind a bunch of people whom you’ve been served by and whom you’ve served. People who have encouraged you and people who have loved you. But you should be joyful also, and look forward to what God has in store for you at your new church, how He will use you - (:
This post has taken me an hour to write, I should probably start my long night of looking for sources to finish off my essay. I have about 250 words left, but still need at least two more sources to finish it off and I’m struggling.
I hope you have been encouraged.
So I’m all happychappy at the moment because I have finished work for the day
I have gone to towers and bought: quinoa, walnuts, almonds and muesli
I chatted to the florist for forty minutes and he’s a really nice old man. Well not that old. But it was a good chat.
I am home (: and I know that I have to get down to work
So I have made myself some muesli to have, put some books next to me I know I need to read, and got some music on(:
Here’s the list
- make dinner for fambam. Warm quinoa salad with toasted almonds (:
- write my essay!
I need to get this done tonight or at least mostly done because I really want to go and hang out with Elaine tomorrow, see how she is, she’s back from Bangladesh and I want to go and see her (:
- Spend some quality time with God (: YAY
- Get some rest before a long day tomorrow
- Smile (: I don’t know why not. (: God is so kind-